What Leading with Love Looks Like on Hard Days

Leading with love is easy when things are going well. When the schedule is smooth, teachers are energized, and students are engaged and happy, love shows up naturally in connections, but as we all know, our leadership isn't defined by our easiest days...it’s defined in our hardest ones.

Leading with love is tough when decisions are complicated, emotions are high, and there aren't many options that feel right. The days when people are disappointed, frustrated, or hurting, and you’re the one expected to hold it all together.

Leading with love on hard days starts with how we choose to show up. I usually start with taking a deep breath before I respond to an angry person, or choosing to pause to actively listen, even when time is tight and the pressure is tense. Love shows up in not to reacting defensively, not rushing to judgment, and showing empathy when trying to understand another person's perspective.

On hard days, leading with love also means telling the truth with care. Although avoiding difficult conversations may feel easier in the moment, it usually ends up doing more harm than good in the long run. Love doesn’t sugarcoat reality or avoid accountability. It speaks clearly and respectfully, knowing that people deserve honest communication, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Another way love shows up is how we maintain people’s dignity, especially when emotions are running high. Hard days often involve interpersonal conflict, mistakes, or disappointment. School leaders should address these issues without diminishing a person's value. Remember, no one is perfect. Everyone comes to our schools carrying things we may never fully see or understand.

Leading with love also requires boundaries, mentally, physically, and emotionally. As I've grown and evolved as a leader, I had to learn that love does not mean absorbing everyone else’s stress, personally fixing every problem, or setting yourself on fire to keep everyone else around you warm. On hard days, boundaries help leaders remain calm and consistent, allowing us to respond thoughtfully to our students, staff, and families instead of reacting emotionally.

Finally, there are days when leading with love simply means being present. Sitting with discomfort. Acknowledging pain without rushing to find a resolution. Letting people feel seen and heard, even when you cannot immediately make things better. Presence, on hard days, is one of the most powerful forms of leadership. This kind of leadership is more subtle, but it builds trust over time. I've had many of these days over the years, and it's amazing how powerful it is to just sit beside someone, even if very few words are exchanged.

When leaders respond with care under pressure, we create cultures where people feel safe to grow, learn, and ultimately, keep serving students. Hard days will always be part of school leadership, but love and joy are why we continue to choose to stay!

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